How do you share your Green parenting knowledge without stepping on your friend's toes?
Today, I have a question for you. Well, okay, a couple questions:
How do you tell your friends about Green parenting options such as cloth diapers without sounding judgmental of the alternatives?
Have you ever found yourself keeping your mouth shut when your friend says something misinformed about diapers or plastic chemicals because you don’t know how to tell them what you know?
I’m opening the comments for your input on this topic today, because I have never seen anyone discuss this issue online.
How do you tell your friend that the Pampers Swaddlers she’s in love with aren’t made of “only cotton” like she thinks or that Huggies “natural” diapers are anything but without sounding like an arrogant jerk? Are there certain situations where you always keep your mouth shut–to avoid worsening the pandemic of parents judging each other’s choices harshly, for example?
To be honest, I sell it as a cost thing first, then add the lack of chemicals and prevention of diaper rash as an aside.
And if a friend says something that is incorrect, I usually phrase it as “you know, I read somewhere that…..” I think it is less intimidating that way.
I not 100% green yet, so I can relate to the OTHER side where people tell ME what I’m doing isn’t environmentally sound… so what makes ME feel like considering green options (without feeling I’m being judged) is when people approach the topic softly. Like saying, “you know I read an article about how Pampers added XX to their diapers – did you hear about that?” or “what’s working really well for my family is ABC, have you ever tried that?” Then the seed idea has been planted without saying “you’re doing it ALL WRONG” – so those methods might be a good approach… As I’m becoming more “green” with cloth diapering and organic foods, etc, I try to speak up a little more, but the times I’ll keep my mouth shut are usually when I’m around a person with a HISTORY of not listening to what anyone else has to say … then I figure, why waste my time… but otherwise, I try to slip in a comment here and there and get a conversation going.
I think it’s tough. We’ve decided against cloth because of water quality concerns, and instead use the g-diapers combination diaper (we don’t flush them unless they’re poopy, but we also only have the composter capacity for a few of the wet ones, so most go in the garbage). It’s the decision that makes the most sense to us, but it’s easy to feel judged by the ‘real’ cloth diaper folks (who are more concerned about raw materials and landfill space).
As I’ve gotten older, I like to think I’ve gotten better about being accepting of other people’s opinions. Mostly I aim for enthusiasm about what I’m doing, without commenting on what others are doing unless I can do it in a patient and charitable way. But yeah, a lot of the time that means I just don’t say anything.
Sometimes I keep my mouth shut, mostly with new people that I don’t know. But with my mom friends and my sister (mom of 4) I use lines like “I’ve read …” “We’ve saved so much money this way…”, “It’s not for everyone, but it’s worth a try…”, or “That’s what I thought too until I tried it”
I usually start with the cost and cuteness factors – then tell the person other benefits if they are interested. People seem to be turned off or get defensive if you jump right in with talk of chemicals on their baby’s precious bottom!
No one wants to be judged, or told they are doing something wrong with their child, so I have found it is usually good to present this as another option – not the BEST way. (Even if it is!) Be gentle, in other words!
At times, I do find myself just keeping my mouth shut too. I have a friend who I have convinced to cloth diaper her daughter part time. She recently told me how cute she thinks the Huggies “Jean” diapers are, and how she would get them if she had a boy in diapers. I just smiled and bit my tongue, figuring if I began a rant about my opinion of Huggies, I might have trouble talking to her about any diapers next time! :p
Basically, I TRY to be more of a source of information about green parenting, and less of a “crusader” as my husband likes to call me!
Crusader, lol. My husband just thinks I’m a cloth groupie, but I hope none of my friends I’ve enthused about cloth diapers to think I’m a “crusader.”
That’s interesting, Tanna. I never thought about water quality problems. Why is it that we parents either are trying to avoid sounding judgmental or are feeling judged? I never expected such a polarized climate in parenting as the one I have found between working moms vs. stay-at-home moms, “mainstream” parents and “green” parents, and so on.
I’m going to use that, Madeline! (Except with my parents, who want annotated footnotes, credible sources, and so on, lol.)
Which of us is 100% green?
Not me. I shudder to think what I might miss out on learning from other people if I come across as closed-minded, because that’s exactly what I would do, too–keep my mouth shut around someone who didn’t listen in the past. Pearls before swine and all that….
Hah, yeah – I spent a few of my student years doing research on wastewater treatment; makes you think a lot about water quality
.
Isn’t it crazy? I think part of the problem is that people are unsure of themselves, but want to be certain that they are doing what is ‘right’. Nobody wants people to point fingers at them and say they’re screwing up their kid… and I think there’s a lot of stuff in the media that sensationalizes these things.
There’s also this weird idea where when a person decides to approach parenting in one way, by making that decision they are somehow declaring all other parenting methods wrong… but I’m not sure where that comes from.
Yes, I think more often than coming across as judgmental because of my tone or approach, I run into people who think that if I think one way is excellent or better than another, there is no gray area, there are no alternatives or acceptable extenuating circumstances. I’m not sure where that comes from either.
I try not to push my opinions on others, but say “this is what works for us” or “I do this because”… And often I have people asking about cloth diapering when they see my son wearing one and that’s when I would share info. I understand that there isn’t one way that works for everyone and not everyone has the same convictions.